Human. Animal. Mortal.

Today, I do not wish to be a queen. 
I do not want to be a priestess, or an empress, or a goddess. 
I do not care to be a shaman, or a healer, or a visionary. 
Indeed, in this moment, I do not desire anything that delivers me beyond the banal, the profane, the everyday. 

Right now, I release my hold on that which makes me special, exceptional, or remarkable.
For today, I just want to be human. 


That’s right. 


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Today sucked. And that's okay.

This year has pulled the rug out from under me too many times to count. In truth, my head has not stopped spinning. Once I’d thought the dust had finally settled and I’d somewhat found my bearings, I’d turn around and find another aspect of my life in disarray. 

Many, many times, all I've wanted to do was run and hide, go back to sleep, numb away the confusion, the disorientation, the pain. 

But I’ve chosen not to. Sure, the temptation is there. Hell, I’m pregnant and all I could think of today was—Give me a fucking glass of wine. A shot of tequila. A toke of marijuana. Something to make this hurting just stop.

Yet today, I didn’t run. I didn’t numb. 

Instead, I leaned in.

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Self Improvement is Bullsh*t

I have spent years meditating, practicing fancy yoga poses, cleansing my aura, clearing my meridians, and receiving energy treatments. I've read just about every popular self help book out there. I have done past life regressions, sweat my prayers, and focused only on happy thoughts.

I have journaled, dropped loads of cash on shrinks and coaches, tapped it out with EFT, chanted heart-opening mantras, and sipped on gallons of green juice. I've drunk ayahuasca, taken strong pharmaceutical anti-depressants, analyzed my Enneagram type, and stayed far, far away from GMO foods. The list goes on.

And here's what I've learned on my long-term quest at self-improvement: Self-improvement is bullshit.

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Thanksgiving: A Way of Life

Somehow we've been duped into believing the lie that who we are and what we have is not enough. We think we cannot achieve happiness or fulfillment unless we have reached a certain goal or done something to earn it. The equation appears to be HAVE—DO—BE. "Once I HAVE this one thing right, I can finally DO what I’ve been searching for, and I can BE happy." Whether it be an ideal relationship, a dream job, a perfect home, etc., the story is the same. 

Well, I am here to tell you that this particular equation is, in fact, completely backwards. It's a mindset mired in scarcity, of lack, of "not enough.”

As we begin to wake up, to lean into the wild depths of our souls, we start to see that a life of bounty is, in fact, right here, right now. We find that as choose to feel contentment and fulfillment with who we are and what we have in this moment, everything else starts to fall into place quite naturally. 

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Step Inside My Dream World

I had a challenging conversation yesterday with a member of my extended family. During this interaction, he accused me of being completely out of touch with reality; of living in a fantasy, a land of make believe. He told me I have no understanding of the real world. 

I wonder… what is this “real world” he speaks of? 

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