Who are you?
I am the night, the eternal darkness within. I generate, venerate, and destroy. I am that which burns away your ego and false sense of self. I am fierce—crashing through barriers and breaking stereotypes. I am ruthless and relentless. I am full of an inexplicable love, an everlasting fire, a blade cutting away all that is not needed for you to embody your fullest self. I see red. Capitalize on my strength and veracity, dear one—I shall not forsake you.
What do you have to teach me?
I am here to teach you the art of letting go. Do not fear the fire that burns within, purifying and cleansing the soul. Surrender. Allow yourself to be overtaken and consumed by this flame. I am here to teach you about releasing the old, burying the dead, and allowing the power of divinity to flow through you unimpeded.
Remember—You, as all others, have a dark side you shall not deny. The more intimate you are with that darkness, the more you understand its nature, the more you can allow your light to emerge and shine brightly into the world. Embrace and use my strength for the deepest love you can imagine. I shall teach you to harness your power. Hear me by acknowledging the painful warrior within. You are woman—hear you roar! Allow that road to rip through all illusions of fear and self doubt.
How do you express yourself in my life?
I am an expression of your art, your voice, and your music. I am your sex, your rage, your fiery nature, and your great love for the world. I am your sultriness and your sensuality, your ability to give and receive pleasure. I express myself in the fear that rises from the pit of your stomach to your throat, reminding you of your humanity. Allow that fear to be your ally, as it has a gift to share.
You know me through each descent you make into the underworld, the kingdom in which I reign. It is in that underworld that you learn to see what is real and what is an illusion. All those falsehoods you face will allow you to remember my power, that I may burn through the fake front you have consciously built up around you.
I am fierceness. I am catharsis. I am an unbridled self-expression. Allow the flow and release the need to know.
How are you suppressed?
I see that you have long desired people to imagine you as kind, caring, and compassionate. Please know that these are qualities that you do indeed embody—but in the process of creating this persona, you have compromised yourself. This has gone too far. You have allowed others to walk all over you, take advantage of you, hold you for granted. I say, no more! Build some boundaries, Woman, and have some goddamn self-respect. The more you say NO to those things that do not resonate outside of yourself, the more you say YES to your undying truth within. Don't be afraid to feel your rage once and a while. It arises so that you may let others know when they've crossed the line, when it's just not okay. Please listen and heed my advice. I shall no longer be put in a corner. Release me from this rusty cage.
How and when can you help me?
Whenever you call upon me, I am here. Ready to lash out and lop off the head of any acts of injustice and immorality. I can help you take the lead; You know in your heart of hearts that you have the capacity to do great things. Call upon me to assist you in setting clear boundaries and allowing others to feel your truth. I can help you remember the part of your nature you've so long denied. No more denying me.
Gather up all of your doubts and release them into my fiery abyss. Allow yourself to be completely consumed by the everlasting flames erupting from my mouth. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, allow yourself to succumb to the fiery side of your nature, you Earth rebel. Revel in my power without getting intoxicated by it. Feel my force in your bones and your silver tongue. Flow and grow with my gifts of revolution, release, and rebirth. Grand gestures are my forte, so let them come through you when needed.
How would you like to be recognized by me or expressed through me?
Recognize me as sacred and holy, as everything in your life. Full of red rage and compassionate fury—heed my storm and my wrath upon your misdeeds. Grace and fire can exist simultaneously. Allow the smoke to clear and see the masterpiece that is you. Heed my call and delve into your inner fire. Don't wait a moment longer. Release and forgive, or you've forsaken me. Let go of all past judgements and cut through to the core of all interactions and relationships. Loose the fluff. Carry yourself with dignity and regality and, when necessary, take no prisoners.
It is time to release your image of being a "good girl" and embrace your darkness. Roar and rage when the instinct arises. Cut the shit. Cleanse yourself with fire—freeing your true sense and inner wild woman. Embody your truth. Embrace your fears. Allow yourself the time and space to regenerate. Follow your flaming heart.
Kali Ma is an energy that lives within us all. She is the Dark Goddess of the Hindu tradition. She is both a mother creatress, as well as a fierce destroyer. Her wisdom is wild and primeval, the embodied Shakti. She is the divine form of Mother Nature herself.
I first began to study Kali about a year and a half ago during a rather potent period of my own journey into the wholeness and wellness of my wild soul. At that time I was living and working at a shamanic healing center just outside of Iquitos, Peru, where I participated in indigenous ceremonies using the ancient Amazonian plant medicine of ayahuasca. Ayahuasca is an entheogenic plant consumed in a ceremonial fashion used to induce non ordinary states of consciousness for divinatory and healing purposes.
It was while working with ayahuasca that I began an intimate relationship with Kali Ma. The word ayahuasca derives from the Andean Quechua tribal language, and translates to the "death vine." As you can imagine, the energies of Kali and Ayahuasca are very much interwoven. Both are incredibly powerful, humbling, and penetrating.
After studying Kali Ma for several months, I began communicating with her via a method called "dialoguing." This is where one journals certain questions and responds to them in a free flow style of writing, not editing at all or even taking one's pen off of the page. This method is often used by psychologists and analysts to access the deeper realms of the subconscious. It was a profound practice for me then, and continues to be one I use today.
This particular dialogue came through during July of 2014. I have edited very little.